I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
I am not into exercise. If God wanted me to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, ‘Pick up, I know you’re there.’ And she says the same thing back, ‘How’d you get this new number?'
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus -- that way, I'd visit him every day.
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
I am not into exercise. If God wanted me to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, ‘Pick up, I know you’re there.’ And she says the same thing back, ‘How’d you get this new number?'
My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus -- that way, I'd visit him every day.
When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Registered users can log in to post comments or submit items for the galleries.